Cacka Boom Lyrics - Ian Dury

If you're cold, well here's a plan 

Pull the plug out of your fan 

If you're hot, now here's a scheme 

Park your botty in the stream 

If you're tired, check this plot 

Seek a source that hits the spot 

If you're snooty, here's a ploy 

Stroll along the hoi polloi 

(Cacka Boom) 

You'll not have owt to show for it 

If you don't go for it (Cacka Boom) 

You'll have to come to terms with it, 

Get on the firm with it (Cacka Boom) 

If you don't get to grips with it, 

You've had your chips with it (Cacka Boom) 

You'll only come to rue it if you don't do it 

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If you're lost, well try this notion 

Find yourself a magic potion (Cacka Boom) 

If you're angry, check this wheeze 

Count to ten and then say "cheese" (Cacka Boom) 

If you're uptight here's the answer 

Learn to be a belly dancer (Cacka Boom) 

If you're cornered, suss a wangle 

Try it from a different angle 

(Cacka Boom) 

Now you can put a name to it 

You must lay claim to it (Cacka Boom) 

You'll have time to regret it 

If you don't go and get it (Cacka Boom) 

You won't have much to talk about 

If you don't go on walkabout (Cacka Boom) 

Don't think you won't mind it 

If you don't try and find it 

Photos 

No one said you must be good as gold 

It's what you haven't done 

That matters when you're old 

No one said these things are pre-ordained 

Nothing ventured... 

If you're guilty, cop a stroke 

You only did it for a joke 

If you're dozy, here's a tactic 

Tell 'em all they're too didactic 

If you're fed up, here's a wrinkle 

Let your pianoforte tinkle 

If you're wobbling here's a trick 

Happy go toilet, click, click, click 

Now you can put a name to it 

You must lay claim to it (Cacka Boom) 

You'll have time to regret it 

If you don't go and get it (Cacka Boom) 

You won't have much to talk about 

If you don't go on walkabout (Cacka Boom) 

Don't think you won't mind it 

If you don't try and find it (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

(Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom), (Cacka Boom) 

Ow!