Jamie's Petting Zoo Lyrics - Live From The Pharmacy (live) - Guttermouth

I've had my pet 

Since I was nine years old 

I loved him and fed him 

But one day he attacked 

I knew he didn't love me back 

So I grabbed him like a football 

And punted fifty yards 

Now I hate pets 

Take yourself to the vet 

Now I hate pets 

Dolphins trapped in little nets 

Now I hate pets 

You little fucking 

Screaming shit-bag 

I should of let your mother 

Eat you, little fucker 

So I got a little birdy 

And I trained it everyday 

He knew 1000 words 

But then he flew away 

But then I got him back 

The fucker wouldn't shut his trap 

So I took him to the bathroom 

And rubbed his beak in shit 

Now I hate pets 

Spotted owls in their nests 

Now I hate pets 

Bagged a deer and made a vest 

Now I hate pets 

Birds and bees and bears and bison 

Pigs and parrots and pandas 

I fucking hate them all!!! 

I was walking through the park 

When a snake peered from his hole 

A perfect opportunity 

To take the bastard home 

I chopped his fucking head off 

With my handy garden hoe 

And made a lovely hat-band 

For my redneck cousin Bo, heee-haaw! 

Now I hate pets 

10,000 volts to the chest 

Now I hate pets 

Fed my cat some cigarettes 

Now I hate pets 

You little fucking 

Screaming shit-bag 

bastard 

Fuck you, you 

Fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!!!!!!