If You Ever Lyrics - Gilbert Osullivan

If you ever go to school 

Then you'll know that it's a fool 

Who believes a teachers pet 

Is a pupil like yourself 

For if I remember well 

My old teachers was a belt 

Which he kept around his shoulder blade 

There for the mistakes we made 

Have you ever been to sea 

And been told reluctantly 

That if you have one more drink 

We're all liable to sink 

If you have all I can say 

Is have a happy holiday 

And don't come back without a tan 

Especially from a far off land 

Funny old world this 

Or haven't you noticed 

Everything's glued on 

Nothing is screwed on 

One day we will come unstuck 

But until then we're in luck 

If you ever feel the need 

To go out and plant a seed 

Then by all means go ahead 

I won't stop you but instead 

I will tell you where to go 

And the seeds that you can grow 

And by way of payment back I think 

You could buy us all a drink