Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk Lyrics - Frank Zappa

There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine 

Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin' 

'cause her sweet little hubby's 

Suckin' prong part time 

(in the name of the lord) 

Get a clue, little shrew 

Oh yeah, oh yeah 

Jesus thinks you're a jerk 

Did he really choose tammy to do his work? 

Robertson says that he's the one 

Oh he sure is, 

If armageddon 

Is your idea of family fun, 

An' he's got some planned for you! 

(now, tell me that ain't true) 

Related 

27 Best Ever Songs From Movie Soundtracks 

From MetroLyrics to You: Our Classic Christmas Playlist 

5 Totally Underrated Christmas Songs 

Now, what if jimbo's slightly gay, 

Will pat let jimbo get away? 

Everything we've heard him say 

Indicated that jim must pay, 

(and it just might hurt a bit) 

But keep that money rollin' in, 

'cause pat and naughty jimbo 

Can't get enough of it 

Perhaps it's their idea 

Of an affirmative action plan 

To give white trash a 'special break'; 

Well, they took those jeezo-bucks and ran 

To the bank! to the bank! to the bank! to the bank! 

And every night we can hear them thank 

Their buddy, up above 

For sending down his love 

(while you all smell the glove) 

Photos 

Jim and pat should take a pole 

(right up each saintly glory-hole), 

With tar and feathers too -- 

Just like they'd love to do to you 

('cause they think you are bad -- 

And they are very mad) 

'cause some folks don't want prayer in school! 

(we'd need an ark to survive the drool 

Of micro-publicans, raised on hate, 

And 'jimbo-jimbo' when they graduate) 

Conviced they are 'the chosen ones' -- 

And all their parents carry guns, 

And hold them cards in the n.r.a. 

(with their fingers on the triggers 

When they kneel and pray) 

With a ku-klux muu-muu 

In the back of the truck, 

If you ain't born again, 

They wanna mess you up, screamin': 

'no abortion, no-siree!' 

'life's too precious, can't you see!' 

(what's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree? 

Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me -- 

Would they do that... seriously? ) 

Imagine if you will 

A multi-millionaire television evangelist, 

Saved from korean combat duty by his father, a u.s. senator 

Studied law -- 

But is not qualified to practice it 

Father of a 'love child' 

Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants 

Of papa's religious propaganda program 

Claims not to be a 'faith healer', 

But has, in the past, 

Dealt stearnly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes 

Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in central america 

Claiming ronald reagan and oliver north as close friends 

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes', 

(under investigation for 16 months by the i.r.s.) 

Claims to be a man of god; 

Currenty seeking the united states presidency, 

Hoping we will all follow him into -- 

The twilight zone 

What if pat gets in the white house, 

And suddenly -- 

The rights of 'certain people' disappear 

Mysteriously? 

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify 

As an american tragedy? 

(especially if he covers it up, sayin' 

'jesus told it to me!') 

I hope we never see that day, 

In the land of the free -- 

Or someday will we? 

Will we? 

And if you don't know by now, 

The truth of what I'm tellin' you, 

Then, surely I have failed somehow -- 

And jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you -- 

If you let those tv preachers 

Make a monkey out of you! 

I said: 

'jesus will think you're a jerk' 

And it would be true! 

There's an old rugged cross 

In the land of cutton -- 

It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn 

And it still smells rotten 

Jim and tammy! 

Oh, baby! 

You gotta go! 

You really got to go!