Introduction Lyrics - Frank Zappa

Zappa Frank 

Joes Garage 

duction 

Desperate nerds in high offices all over the world have been known 

to enact the most disgusting pieces of legislation in order to win 

votes (or, in places where they don't get to vote, to control 

unwanted forms of mass behavior). 

Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and 

water... they were passed to get votes. Seasonal anti-smut campaigns 

are not conducted to rid our communities of moral rot... they are 

conducted to give an aura of saintliness to the office-seekers who 

demand them. If a few key phrases are thrown into any speech (as the 

expert advisors explain to these various heads of state) votes will 

roll in, bucks will roll in, and, most importantly, power will be 

maintained by the groovy guy (or gal) who gets the most media 

coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various 

businesses will do okay too. 

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All governments perpetuate themselves through the daily commission 

of acts which a rational person might find to be stupid or dangerous 

(or both). Naturally, our government is no exception... for instance, 

if the President (any one of them) went on TV and sat there with the 

flag in the background (or maybe a rustic scene on a little 

backdrop, plus the flag) and stared sincerely into the camera and 

told everybody that all energy problems and all inflationary 

problems had been traced to and could be solved by the abolition of 

MUSIC, chances are that most people would believe him and think that 

the illegalization of this obnoxious form of noise pollution would 

be a small price to pay for the chance to buy gas like the good ol' 

days. No way? Never happen? Records are made out of oil. All those 

big rock shows go from town to town in fuel gobbling 45 foot 

trucks... and when they get there, they use up enormous amounts of 

electrical energy with their lights, their amplifiers, their PA 

systems... their smoke machines. And all those synthesizers... look at 

all the plastic they got in 'em... and the guitar picks... you name 

it... 

Photos 

JOE'S GARAGE is a stupid story about how the government is going to 

try to do away with music (a prime cause of unwanted mass behavior). 

It's sort of like a really cheap kind of high school play... the way 

it might have been done 20 years ago, with all the sets made out of 

cardboard boxes and poster paint. It's also like those lectures that 

local narks used to give (where they show you a display of all the 

different ways you can get wasted, with the pills leading to the 

weed leading to the needle, etc., etc.). 

If the plot of the story seems just a little bit preposterous, and 

if the idea of The Central Scrutinizer enforcing laws that haven't 

been passed yet makes you giggle, just be glad you don't live in one 

of the cheerful little countries where, at this very moment, music 

is either severely restricted... or, as it is in Iran, totally 

illegal.