Abe Lincoln Vs Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles Of History #3 Lyrics - Singles - Erb

[Lincoln]: 

Four score and sixty-five years in the past 

I won the Civil War with my beard 

Now I'm here to whup your ass 

I've read up on your facts 

You cure cancer with your tears? 

Well, tell me Chuck 

How come you never sat down and cried on your career? 

You're a washed up has-been 

On TV selling Total Gyms 

And you're gonna lose this battle 

Like you lost Return of the Dragon 

I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth 

I'll squash you like I squashed the South 

I never told a lie and I won't start now 

You're a horse with a limp, I'll put you down 

[Chuck Norris]: 

This isn't Gettysburg, punk, I'd suggest retreating 

For I invented rap music when my heart started beating 

Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose 

My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth 

[Lincoln]: 

I've got my face on the side of a mountain 

You voted for John McCain 

I've got a bucket full of my head 

And I'm about to make it rain 

You block bullets with your beard? 

I catch 'em with my skull 

I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger 

But I've never even seen that show 

[Chuck Norris]: 

I am Chuck fucking Norris 

I've spread more blood and gore 

Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch 

I split the Union with a roundhouse kick 

I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick 

I attack sharks, when I smell them bleed 

I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me 

My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster 

You may have freed the slaves 

But Chuck is everyone's master