Offended Lyrics - Eminem

You claim if you get knocked by the cops 

You'll give 'em not even a statement 

Walk in the arraignment, shoot the bailiff 

Karate kick the plaintiff 

Gotti with the stainless 

I'll just call that shoddy entertainment 

If y'all was in the party gettin' faded 

On molly, had the audience sedated 

You wouldn't catch a body if it fainted 

Probably let it fall and hit the pavement 

But you'd be the first lobbyin' to claim it 

Bitch, stop bein' a lame 

Your hobby is in robbery and dismemberin' body limbs 

Like you was Tommy Lynn Sells 

And chainsawing them in the basement 

Hardly fits your job description 

Ain't nobody dippin' out the back of 

the club like, "Oh my God, he's trippin'" 

Only time you get the blade is probably 

with the dang lawn equipment, ain't it? 

Wouldn't take a bobby pin and wave it 

I need to stop bein' debated 

You're still copyin', Xeroxing, I'm still coppin' a feel 

Like Bill Cosby at will, 

popping a pill then spill Oxys in Jill's coffee 

Then send her out to the hotel lobby a lil' wobbly and still groggy 

This blonde fucks reprehensible misconducts, never sensible 

Kiss my butt, my set of principles is gone 

But 'til I get the President to respond 

My pen and pencil is a missile launcher 

And send it to Mitch McConnell 

Just as big of a bitch it's Donald 

Shit's on, bruh 

Let me sing this shit soprano 

While I do it pizzicato 

Ivanka, stiff arm her 

While I'm hittin' on Melania 

And this song's for all ya 

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'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me 

They want me to go eat some worms 

I hope you offended 

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt 

But I'ma make you eat your words 

I hope you offended 

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up 

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse 

I hope you offended 

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up 

'Til everybody eats my turds 

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These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me 

Like Justin Ross Harris at a nursery 

Goin' ham at candy yam on nanny cam 

I'm gettin' handys with the sanny, Xannys in the Caddy armrest 

I'm imagining objects, so I'm batting cobwebs 

From a daddy longleg 

And ham trending, got the panoramic camera 

Xanax, a banana hammock and a Santa hat 

I'm smellin' like a damn mechanic 

With a chick that looks like Janet Jackson with a Spanish accent 

Twice your age and I'm actin' half it 

Grow up? Nah 

Not that I know of, y'all 

Basement just got a frickin' overhaul, got a stripper pole installed 

Started rollin' all through those Kolonopins like a bowlin' ball 

Like an overdose on twice the ratio 

of Propofol and go through no withdrawal 

While I get fellatio and give a facial to 

an interracial blow-up doll and Rachel Dolezal 

You're so appalled, so's my manager 

Bitch I am mature, fuck a pro career 

Coast is clear, but nowhere to go from here 

And nobody's close, so don't compare 

They ain't nowhere near, I'm way over here 

My competition can't see me 

'Cause I don't own a mirror 

But Marshall, you are terrific, so smart and gifted 

I'm so narcissistic, when I fart, I sniff it 

Do a fake dab to smell my armpits with it 

Your anxiety's throwin' gang signs 

But I made strides with these raid blinds 

I'm cuttin' back on women hate crimes 

Like Ray Rice when he FaceTimes 

Bang, bang, bang, bang time 

Dang knives to butcher them gay wives 

You couldn't eat citrus the same size 

As the blade I push into Caputo when I... 

Pull 'em like... sleigh rides 

Gotta stab a bitch at least eight times 

To make it on Dateline 

I came to stake my claim like a canine 

Waitin' in a buffet line 

So Kellyanne Conway, I'm a really bad hombre 

Come play, belly dance on me 

I've been making wedding plans all day 

'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me 

They want me to go eat some worms 

I hope you offended 

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt 

But I'ma make you eat your words 

I hope you offended 

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up 

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse 

I hope you offended 

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up 

'Til everybody eats my turds 

Eight year old with the wordplay 

Girl, take this pole like a survey 

Today wasn't my birthday 

But I'm caked up like a dessert tray 

So we're in shape 

'Cause you're in a slurrin' state 

I'm a 10, you're an 8 

Like what I do before, after, and during rape 

You wanna get into a pissin' contest and find out who's better? 

And they made a fool out of what I pulled out him 

R. Kelly with a full bladder 

Not in high school, grad, I'm not a scholar 

But I'm so cold that I'm droppin' out with my degrees 

It's the same as I got in college (zero) 

But nobody's hotter, you owe me my respect 

I owe you nada like a lonely partner that blow me 

Told you I'm so dirty, homie you can throw me in some holy water 

With some floaties on 

And get to soakin', try to get to poke a hole in 

Why you hoes be off? And nope I won't be washed 

You hope to God I don't explode, I gotta blow this spot up, though 

I got a lotta more 

I won't put the sugar coating on it though 

'Cause sometimes you can feel like your energy's expired 

Rap's got you drained, dead tired, zapped 

You feel like a wet pile of crap 

But look, man, like the feds buggin' my phone, uh huh 

I get why you're tapped 

But you gotta get your fire back 

Catch fire, get upset and fire back 

Is what I tell myself 

When times get bad 

'Cause sometimes I might get sad 

Well I take the same advice I had 

And tell myself like I used to tell Hailie, when life's a drag 

Told her to do like her dad, don't cry, get mad 

'Cause little baby powders belong in diaper bags 

I'm hyper, by the time you see this side of me 

I'm right in your ass 

'Fore the pen, 

I stood up for the kid who had to put up 

with the bullies at his school (at his school) 

You ain't have to have no money or go 

shoppin' just to cop a fuckin' attitude 

Now my dough's amountin' to a 

mountain, it's rised too high to count it 

Never asked to be rich, 

all I did was wish I had a dime for every time that I was doubted 

But then I think about it and I'm enraged 

'Cause I just figured out that if I was paid 

For the time I spent to put the pen to the page 

It'd be minimum wage 

But it's embedded in my head and if I hunted for the bread 

And what I wanted was to be the one that they was scared of 

But I'm never gonna get the credit for 

the sweat and blood I put up in the pen 

And when I'm dead I wonder will they put me on a pedestal 

Or forget I was ever this incredible 

I guess I better go harder than ever 'cause I'll never get 

Another mothafuckin' opportunity again 

To offend as many people with this I can, simply because I can 

'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me 

They want me to go eat some worms 

I hope you offended 

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt 

But I'ma make you eat your words 

I hope you offended 

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up 

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse 

I hope you offended 

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up 

'Til everybody eats my turds