Kick Off Lyrics - Eminem

[Intro: Eminem & Royce Da 5'9"] 

I've always looked at battle rap as competition or war, and the main objective is to destroy, completely fucking obliterate your opponent by saying anything and everything, whatever the fuck you can, to get a reaction from the crowd. So nothing's off limits 

I need you to spit that lyrical miracle... in the swimming pool 

[Verse 1] 

Before this kicks off, let me set my balls in this tees 

'Cause I'm dottin' i's every time I cross one of these 

There's not a redeeming quality at all in me 

It's impossible, seems like an implausible dream 

Positive clean thoughts intervene 

But they're all either altered and mean 

Assault and demean, tossed and they're being lost in the scheme 

Squashed in-between a brainwashing machine 

Like an Islamic regime, a jihadist extreme radical 

Suicide bomber that's seeing 

Ariana Grande sing her last song of the evening 

And as the audience from the damn concert is leaving 

Detonates the device strapped to his abdominal region 

I'm not gonna finish that, for obvious reasons 

But bring your dogs, I'ma muzzle 'em 

I'm not Middle Eastern but I'll make a bitch Raqqa hijab 

And at least a extra large in the T-shirt 

Headscarf and a piece of tarp underneath the carpet, hasta la vista 

I go Hamas on the beats to a paradox on the beach 

And a pair of crotchless underwear on a terrorist watch list 

Gettin' head in the sand like an embarrassed ostrich 

Professional shit sprayer 

Bitch watch who you talkin' to, like Apple wristwear 

Endangered species in this ABC shit a bit scarce 

Prey's decreasing, I face extinction like disc players 

Told this chick she's hot as Jada Pinkett 

And just stared 'til I made her think it 

Said, "Maybe we should just get married." 

She's facing me, I placed my feet with my hips square 

Tell her, "Turn around," spread her legs for me, then I hit bare 

Leave her stretched out like a baby T-shirt on Ric Flair 

As I ripped her, anal beads in a split rear 

Spray Febreze in the chick's hair 

Make her wheeze tryna get air 

I played for keeps, there's no escaping me, I have a bitch scared 

And chained to me, and throw away the key 

And she'll be so afraid to leave 

That even if she ends up breaking free she'll just sit there 

Tryin' to scrape up enough courage and strength to get up 

It's impossible like rapin' a slut 

We stay butt-naked and fuck 

You're close, wait for you, what? 

My idea, you comin' too, it's waking you up 

With smelling salts after I Quaalude your cup 

That'll straighten you up if you try to stray like a pup 

Hate to get bogged down in details 

But bitch, I'm like the dog pound with females 

My brain is corrupt, real life, Hillside Strangler 

I strangle a skank's neck 'til it's triangular 

Shape but it's upside down, and my mouth ain't gonna shut 

And mention me in your raps if it makes you a buck 

Or helps you rake in the duckets, I want payment in pub 

'Cause I ain't tryna get in your bars like I'm waiting the club 

But if you put me in your lines, I'm takin' a cut 

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[Verse 2] 

Get a million writers inside of a room combined in it 

Try to get every idea of every possible line to spit 

Every punchline, every combination that rhymes with it 

Bitch, a whole team can't see me, there's no i's in it 

Head so big, I shot myself ten times in it 

Tryna commit suicide in it, took five minutes 

And I survived this shit 

Someone's gonna challenge me, who? 

Battle me and win, that's a fucking fallacy too 

You name one motherfucker in this galaxy, *spits*, reality 

You fantasy, rally your troops, try to boost the morale 

Only time I start a movement's a bowel 

I can't even give a "yeah" or a "woo" when you rap in the booth 

Not even a "nah" or a "boo" 

'Cause even though I'm allergic to the crap that you spew 

When I'm 'bout to break out, I don't mean get a rash from it too 

'Cause when I say I have allergies, I actually do 

But that's just an analogy, I've never had a reaction to you 

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[Verse 3] 

Creature from the Black Lagoon 

I reach up and I smack the moon 

You're grief struck that I'm back so soon 

Your teacher for this afternoon 

Creep up with a pack of hoodlums 

We pack a punch like Capri Sun 

Heat tucked like we each snuck in a submachine gun 

We stuck in a submarine bun, with a bag of shrooms 

Cup of lean up in the padded room 

Justin Bieber in a Catholic school 

Selling dust and reefer when your back is to him 

Don't adjust your speaker 

I'll cuss the stripes off of a fuckin' zebra when I'm at the zoo 

Huffin' cleaner 'til I gag from fumes 

Fuck Christina with a plastic spoon 

While I bump some G-Funk and blast some Snoop 

'Cause her double g-cups are massive, huge! 

It's fun for me just to grab a boob 

Plus my penis got an attitude 

My fuckin' Weiner's in a combative mood 

Come and suck a mean one like it's mad at you 

I speak tongue and cheek, what you asslicks do 

'Cause you love to eat butt, it's sad but true 

[Verse 4] 

I just sprung a leak suddenly 

What I think in my gut instinct become in sync 

My thoughts and my stomach link up with each other 

Ink touches the pad, then boom! 

Since the day Dre gave me beats, I was made elite 

That's basically what makes me me 

Creating stink, 'til these tats are fading ink 

Who's the greatest? Think we're still debating, wink 

ADD, and better put out an APB 

'Cause it'll take LAPD and me layin' in the street 

For you to see Shady beat 

And I'll bet ya they'd need cleats 

'Cause I'd have to be stomped by forty men to suffer a defeat 

I pray please Jesus to make me decent 

Inhaling the main ingredient of pain relievers, and saline 

I take three Aleves, tryna break these fevers, I'm ailing 

I stay free of divas and ladies screamin' 

'Cause they keep schemin' on me 

Vading keepin' the women at bay 

Like Laci Peterson, baby fetuses 

Legs and feet have been weighted, chained in semen 

It's straight demon—and wait! 

Even if it takes meat cleavers to make believers 

Mistake-free schemes are enablin' me to remain deviant 

Breakbeat, eat her like steak meat 

Emcees take seats like AMC theaters 

Deranged ringleader, depraved king 

Who mainstream media hates 

Which makes things easier, still under scrutiny 

Villainous smooth criminal, livin' room 

With the nude Reese Witherspoon 

Who was bruised, beat with a broom 

It's in two pieces, and lays deceased in it 

Bit with a chewed leash, and his chain-link leapin' it 

Live in the booth, shave, eat, bathe, drink, sleep in it 

R-A-P bleed the shit, still and I poop, pee it 

It's a spillage, a sewage leak, waste deep feces 

The syllables ooze fecal, they feel like renewed leases 

'Cause my brain releases 'em 

[Verse 5] 

Like waste excretion, it's simultaneously 

As I'm givin' these fools grief, they're feelin' the blues 

'Cause even if stealin' my shoes, thieves 

Just to fill 'em's a huge feat 

A hill and it's too steep 

Obey these demons, we're still in cahoots 

Keep feedin' me blank sheets 

As soon as I sink these teeth 

And I'm killin' the loose leaf 

Time to shake these trees again 

Wait, make that phrase repeat again 

Killin' the loose leaf, shake these trees again 

Get the rake, but it ain't me leavin' 'em 

[Verse 6] 

Vicodins, new prints, I bite them and chew them 

The whites and the blues mixed with nitrus balloons 

And I like to sniff gluesticks, put Ricin on toothpicks 

On the mic I'm just ruthless, a crisis, a nuisance 

Who I influence I give two shits 

If they wanna license my music to entice with 

Then use the shit like it's the blueprint for ISIS recruitment 

[Verse 7] 

Excuse me while I stare into space for a few 

In a daze or haze, glazed over, crazed warp loon 

Mental cased off, always had a straight-forward view 

But you bozos keep givin' the flamethrower fuel 

No one's ever sank lower, shrewd, and way more rude 

Beast-mode like a lawn-mower blade rolled thru it 

And this has little to do with bein' gay, boy 

It's just where the wordplay's goin' 

But ain't much I can say or do 

'Cause ain't no excuse, the way I go at you {censored} 

You say I'm always screw-faced 

So if I look your way, you're screwed 

'Cause if looks could kill, I could start a hate-war too 

'Cause I'd murder you straight bitches by turnin' the gaze on you 

[Verse 8] 

Let's take it back before the tightly-worn pants 

To the Nike, Jordan, hats 

The stripe Lee's, Jordache, and the white tees 

Lightning storms might be formed fast 

Such a frightening forecast! 

But when you're slightly hoarse, rasp 

From the cyphering or-gasp, but still reciting your raps 

While you're tightening your grasp around the mic 'cause you done shitted on it so much, you're always reminded of your past 

'Cause your heiny's sore, that's 

'Cause you still haven't finished fuckin' wiping your ass 

From the night before last 

No good, but rap somethin' I'm too-good-for-my-own-good at 

Fuck adulthood, I'm a grown-up brat 

Where your cojones at? Mine are always being rode, in fact: 

They're frozen, you ever seen a cul-de-sac? 

So big they fell out my scrotum, I just sowed 'em back 

[Verse 9] 

Dick so long, need a shoulder-strap 

For that, gotta unroll it and fold it back 

So difficult to wrap in the pro-filactic, it overlaps it 

So I pack a Trojan so fat, when I lay it flat it's like a yoga mat 

Make a bitch think she's in aerobics class 

The bear you don't wanna poke its back 

The backbone of rap, your fuckin' lead singles are my bonus tracks 

When I appear, my peers stop 

Hearts fall in their stomach, their spirits drop 

Careers flop, their gears lock, severe shock 

Fear at the mere thought 

Lyrics are top-tier, I'm so high at the top 

I'm in the sky when I talk 

Bitch, I'm so fly when I walk, my ears pop 

[Outro] 

Oh, and I'm just playin' ladies, you know I love you 

I got a idea for a line