Can I Bitch Lyrics - Straight From The Lab Ep - Eminem

"Uncle Marshall, will you tell us a bedtime story?" 

Here we go: 

Now, once upon a time not long ago 

There was a little rapper about to blow 

But his album came, and it was not good 

I think it went lead or double copper-wood 

So these silly little fans, they were misled 

By a nerdy internet computer hip-hop head 

"Me and you, Clef, we're gonna make some cash 

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Grab this silver paint and just paint my ass" 

Hey mister, would you care to bear witness to 

The ass-whippin I'm about to administer 

To this ass-kissin little vaginal blister? 

Stanibus: little Marshall Mathers' sister 

And in this corner, we have the "Mr 

Not-Havin'-It," it's the Mad, sinister 

Dr. Evil, with his bag of tricks for 

This little antagonistic faggot 

Dick-sucking ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor 

I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny-Fag-Kaniff-sta 

You bastard, I ain't wanna have to diss ya 

Canibus, where the fuck you at? I miss ya! 

Canibitch, oh, Canibitch 

Wherefore art thou, Canibitch? 

Please tell me what happened with 

That style that you were rappin' with 

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Canibitch, oh, Canibitch 

Are you from Los Angeles 

New York, or just a janitor 

From Canada? Oh, Canibitch 

Now, at first, I ain't really understand this shit 

Picture me, for a second, and imagine it: 

Chillin' in the Bat Mansion relaxin' 

When all a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanners, it's 

Canibitch, on some 'Stan Lives' shit 

It creeped me out at first; man, this is sick 

But me, bein' just as sick, this conflict 

Gets my dick harder than arithmetic 

And I know how you jealous ones envy 

I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me 

The first two letters, you were tellin' me shit like 

You respect me, like any other regular MC 

The third letter, you asked how come I ain't return 

None of the messages at Shady Records you left me? 

The fourth letter: "Slim you're really startin' to upset me" 

The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me 

The sixth letter, there's a bomb threat on our building 

This crazy motherfucker's really tryin' to kill me 

So I went back and read the first few letters that said 

Some shit about a message you left 

Oh shit! That's not a E, that's an A! 

This dude wants to leave me a 'massage,' he's gay! 

Right away, I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre: 

"We got a bogey," "Marshall, I'm on the way" 

So, in two seconds flat, Dre's at my crib 

Only thing is, we both know where this kid lives 

And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship 

"Shit. Oh Dre, wait a minute, that's it! 

All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo-boost 

We can fly over the border!" "Let's Go!" "What was that? Oh, Jermaine Dupri 

Fuck it," Keep goin', no time to waste 

"Wait, back up. Hit him one more time, in case 

"Okay," Fuck, now he's draggin' under the car 

Oh well, Only thirty more thousand miles!" 

Meanwhile, me and Dre are tryin' to conversate 

Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate 

And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propane' 

"He couldn't have fell off that hard."Ain't no way! 

What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous? 

That Canibus turned into a television evangelist! 

Plus, he raps with his regular voice"What was that?" "Pet Shop Boys." 

So, we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted 

His corpse was still movin', but his ass was rotted 

And he kinda smelled a little like Courtney Love 

I figured if I stick him with a fork, he's done 

So I stabbed him twice. Kept jabbin', Christ! 

He won't die! This guy's like a battered wife! 

He's like Kim: he keeps comin' back for more 

But he won't fight back. I cracked his jaw 

Hold up! 'Bis, quit foldin' up! 

Punch me in the chest, make my shoulders touch 

Do something! At least one punchline! 

Come on! Till the meter reads Nine! Nine! Nine- 

Ty nine percent of my fans are blond! 

'Bis, come on, answer me, man, respond! 

Tell me 'bout the sun, rain, moon and stars! 

Intergalactical metaphors from Mars! 

Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoir Dogs! 

Bite another line from Redman's song! 

Suddenly, the stub of a dead man's arm 

From a midget reaches out from under the car 

It's J.D.! This motherfucker won't die, neither! 

Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of ether 

We swamped the bitch in it; stomped the bitch again 

"Compton!" "Detroit, bitch, talk some shit again! 

Stomp him!" "Switch feet!" "Stomp him!" "Switch again!" 

"Dre, all right, he's dead, dog, quit kickin' him! 

I think Stanibus jumped off the bridge again!" ("Ahh!") 

"Damn," "He disappeared, yo, he's gone, he did it again!"