Mommy Dearest Lyrics - Doug Anthony All Stars

Hi ma, I've come back home 

'Cause I don't like this world we live in 

For all my faults and failures 

Please tell me I'm forgiven 

I want my old womb back 

My cosy cubby-hole 

I want to be your child again 

Before I get too old 

Mummy dearest, mother mine 

It's me your baby boy 

I know what's lacking in your life 

That old maternal joy 

So lets boil up some water 

No need to get a nurse 

It'll be just like the virgin birth 

But only in reverse 

Mummy dearest, mother mine 

It's me your only son 

Freud would have a field day 

Trying to understand this one 

Let's have a natural re-entry 

Most doctors say it's easier 

But I've brought a butchers knife 

Just in case you want a caeser 

It's not some old wive's tale 

Or some unfortunate wisecrack 

But you could use some extra weight 

And I need to take a nine month nap 

And I've been good, I've been good 

Now I deserve a small reward 

Don't want my birthday suit 

I want to wear my umbilical cords 

(You know, the ones with the jumbo flare with the spot of 

blood around the cuff) 

Mummy dearest, mother mine 

Look what the stork brought back 

I don't want no damp bunk bed 

I want my foetal sack 

I was a sad lonely child 

I wish that you'd had twins 

And if you can spare the room Ma 

I'd like to bring some friends 

Mummy dearest, mother mine 

It's me your pookie bear 

I don't want to hurt you 

Or soil your underwear 

'Cause you're my guru, my ma 

My host, my home, my mentor 

We could have a three course meal 

If we boil up the old placenta 

(Finger lickin' good ma)