Tiger Woods Lyrics - Dan Bern

I got big balls 

Big ol' balls 

Big as grapefruits 

Big as pumpkins 

Yes sir, yes sir 

And on my really good days 

They swell to the size of small dogs 

My balls are as big as small dogs 

Well, it ain't braggin' if it's true 

Yes sir, yes sir 

It ain't braggin' if it's true 

Muhammad Ali said that 

Back when he was a young man 

Back when he was Cassius Clay 

Before he fought too many fights 

And left his brain inside the ring 

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And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods 

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods 

I got a friend whose goal in life 

Was to one day go down on Madonna 

That's all he wanted 

That was all 

To one day go down on Madonna 

And when my friend was thirty-four 

He got his wish in Rome one night 

He got to go down on Madonna 

In Rome one night in some hotel 

And ever since he's been depressed 

'Cause life is shit from here on in 

And all our friends just shake their heads 

And say too soon, too soon, too soon 

He went down on Madonna too soon 

Too young, too young, too soon, too soon 

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And it ain't braggin' if it's true 

Yes sir, yes sir 

It ain't braggin' if it's true 

Muhammad Ali said that 

Back when he was Cassius Clay 

Before he fought too many fights 

And left his brain inside the ring 

And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods 

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods 

If certain girls don't look at you 

It means that they like you a lot 

If other girls don't look at you 

It just means they're ignoring you 

How can you know, how can you know? 

Which is which, who's doing what? 

I guess that you can ask 'em 

Which one are you baby? 

Do you like me or are you ignoring me? 

Do you like me or are you ignoring me? 

Do you like me or are you ignoring me? 

And all you need to do that 

Is one good pair of big balls 

Balls as big as grapefruits 

Balls as big as pumpkins 

Balls as big as mine 

But even though my balls are big 

Sometimes I wish they were bigger 

Even bigger 

Big as the wheels on tractors 

Big as the golden arches 

Big as the Golden Gate Bridge 

Big as the state of Kansas 

Big as Mars and Jupiter 

Big as the swing of Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods 

Tiger Woods