Milton Lyrics - C.w. Mccall

Now, I'll tell ya a tale that'll bust yer heart 

That only a few people knew, ta start 

It all took place when our concert tour was booked at the SeaTac Hilton? 

I'll guarantee ev'ry word's the Gospel truth 

Got witnesses ta prove it, too, 

'Cause we all toured with a fella by the name a' Milton 

Now Milton was o-fficial tour director, 

Electrical piano-playin' plug connector 

An' the slave-drivin'-est travel conductor 

That we ever seen in our lives 

He'd say "Whaddya mean, ya need more rest? 

"The world don't care whether ya look yer best! 

"Simply show up promptly at six A.M. with your instruments ...and your wives!" 

[Choir; in sorta of "Bringing In The Sheaves" way] 

Shall we gather at the airport? 

He'd always arrive in the nick a' time 

A good five minutes ahead a' flight time 

A-lookin' like he'd been drug through a needle's eye 

He'd stand there, stoned and about ta choke 

On his Egg McMuffin an' his giant Coke 

An' then he'd throw all the tickets on the counter and say 

"Check the bags and let's fly!" 

"Well, whaddya mean, this is too much weight? 

"We only got forty-six pieces a' freight! 

"And if it don't go, who's gonna explain it to our fan club in Tacoma?" 

We'd all get embarassed an' head for the plane 

While Milton stood there, bein' profane 

But somehow he always managed ta get on board ...in sort of a coma 

[Choir] 

When the drinks were served up yonder... 

Well, we deplaned at th' other end 

All the trouble seemed to commence again 

Though Milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup truck and a limo 

And though he'd phoned ahead to that Number Two 

Cussin' an' fussin' an' turnin' blue 

We'd always end up with two Datsoons and a Pinto 

Now Milton took all a' that stuff in stride 

Laid on the floor, an' kicked an' cried 

But we always looked up to him for hope and salvation 

But we'd sink to the bottom a' trav'lers hell 

When he'd check us in a remote motel 

And he'd grab the clerk by his shirt an' tie an' say 

"Whaddya mean, ¿no reservacines?" 

[Choir] 

Milton's getting bolder... 

He'd shut himself in room one-oh-four 

Let nobody in 'til he swept the floor 

Adjusted the lampshade, aligned the TV, fixed the faucet, called the promoter 

"Well, whaddya mean we're the warmup show? 

"You're puttin' me on! We're stars, ya know! 

"And this ain't the way we was treated last summer at Six Flags Over Dakota! 

"Now we gotta have a hunnert percent top billing, 

"Two-thirds in advance, a' course, you silly! 

"I'm sure we prefer a chauffered limosine and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please. 

"I'm what? Well, so's your wife! She's not? Well, to each his own. 

"Beg pardon, stick it in my what? Well, really, Merle who?" 

[Choir] 

William Morris, keep us working... 

Now, Milton was a real good friend a' mine 

An' we'd stuck together on down that line 

But there was one or two points over which we just had to dee-bate 

Like takin'-your-clothes-off-an'-hangin'-from-a-cross-in-front-a'-the-Tri-County-Fairgrounds 

Is not necessarily an assurance that the crowd ain't gonna start throwin' tomatas 

An' when ya arrive at four for a five o'clock show 

An' the stage ain't built an' there's no electricity 

About all ya could do is sit on yer butt an' cut bait 

However, you give ol' Milton four strong bodies, a nine-foot grand, a beer and a cigarette 

An' you just knew that show was gonna be ...outta state 

[Choir] 

Bringing in the bread 

Bringing in the bread... 

Now one night up there in Washington 

We didn't get paid for a show we'd done 

An' poor ol' Milton couldn't live with that; his brain just shorted out. 

Well, he locked himself in the bathroom 

An' then when he didn't come out for an hour an' a half 

We figgered that somethin' was wrong, but we had to remove all doubt 

We stood transfixed in shock and horror 

When we busted down that there bathroom door 

And I hope I never see a sight like that again; no, I don't 

There was nothin' to do but close our eyes, an' bow our heads, an' vocalize 

With a silent five-part acapella hymn, for him 

[Choir] 

What a friend we had in Milton... 

Now we're gettin' ready, come next December 

To put another concert tour together 

And I'm sad to say ol' Milton ain't a-gonna be with us 

No, it ain't gonna be exactly the same 

When they introduce us without his name 

So Milton, wherever you are, we hope you miss us! 

See, Milton has moved on down the road 

Over the rainbow, lookin' for gold 

Yeah, he's up there where the stage lights is always on 

But we can't forget that curly hair 

When last we saw him a-settin' there 

Holdin' his tambourine, suckin' his thumb, an' sound asleep on the john