Artificial Means Lyrics - Singles - Christine Lavin

Oh, Johnny and Janie, they were the perfect married couple 

But not in bed 

Oh, they tried taking drugs, How-To books, even Dr. Ruth 

But for all intents and purposes their love life was dead 

'Til one day Janie went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique 

She bought a long cylindrical thing 

Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not 

Every night you can hear him sing 

He says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means 

You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine 

Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems 

'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means'' 

Oh, Johnny went down to the barroom 

He bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three 

Oh, he moaned to the bartender, the state of his married life 

Bartender said, "Hey Bud, just listen to me'' 

So Johnny went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique 

He bought a plastic blow-up doll 

Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not 

She is angry, she is jealous, she's appalled 

She says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means 

You've grown emotionally attached to that poly-ethylene 

Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems 

'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means'' 

Wires 

(Wires) 

Switches 

(Switches) 

Batteries 

(Batteries) 

Plastic 

(Plastic) 

Tufts of artificial hair 

Who'd ever think they could replace the love 

(Love) 

Humans used to share? 

(Humans used to, humans used to) 

(Humans used to, humans used to) 

Then one fateful day those batteries died 

At the same moment that, that big doll sprung a leak 

Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie 

Oh, they both found it difficult to speak 

I wish I could say they threw those contraptions away 

And fell in love all over again 

But Johnny taped up that hissing woman 

When Janie stole the batteries from his Sony Walkman 

Because their love is bein kept alive by artificial means 

They've grown emotionally attached to those modern sex machines 

Their relationship is not as healthy as it seems 

'Cause their love is being kept alive, love is being kept alive 

Love is being kept alive by artificial means