Mom Was No Fat Broad Lyrics - Cherry Poppin Daddies

Please note that the Russian stuff in the song was left out here since I don't have that character set handy. 

She said, "It's not drug abuse, 

They're diet pills," was her excuse 

Nobody wants a woman with a big caboose." 

(You must forgive your mom) 

She cleaned the house in half an hour 

Mildew didn't have a chance in the shower 

My mom was always higher than the ol' Sears tower 

(Responsibility that sickens your heart) 

My mom was no fat broad 

She tied the tubing for a bulging vein 

Hit that mainer then she sped away 

Like the white tornado of Avenue A 

(Your mother was very unhappy) 

My mom was no fat broad 

OOmpah Doompah Doompah Doompadee doo 

Fear of bulbous rollin round lookin like Augustus Gloop 

It's the runway model vogue 

That made my momma swallow you 

Momma's little helpers got her mind crazy singin' the blues 

She kept her stash on top of the fridge 

I tried to flush it down the toilet one time 

I was six 

I still remember the fit that she pitched 

My mom was not fat...she was nuts. 

They took the gurney down the stairs and the policeman said 

That I could ride with him in his front seat 

He said, "My little man, your mom is at peace." 

My mom was no fat broad