Ace Insurance Man Lyrics - Bobbie Gentry

Two men sittin' in straight back chairs 

Feet propped up on the railin' 

Sittin' in front of the country store 

Discussin' how the crops were failin' 

About that time a car drove by 

With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker 

Well that must be the man been courtin' Abell 

He's somethin' of a city slicker 

(Ah, you can tell just from the way he's drivin' that car) 

Do you reckon he's goin' up to see Abell 

You know her daddy went to Maben this day 

And her mommas been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa 

Ain't nobody home that way 

(Ha ha, 'cept Abell) 

Now, I don't mean nothing by what I say 

But if you won't say it, I can 

She ain't got no bid'ness alone 

With that Ace Insurance man 

(Why there's just no tellin' what might happen) 

People ought to keep an eye on they're kids 

You remember 'bout Abby Mcguinness 

Why'it, lik'ta kill'ed her ma when she found out about it 

Course I know it ain't none of my bid'ness 

But uh, well, if it was me, if it was me 

It might be too late and it would be a pity 

Better call up the sheriff in Calhoun city 

And have the preacher organize a 'vestigating committee 

To see what's going on 

(Yes, sir, and we'd better hurry) 

Tearing down the road in a pickup truck 

With Bentley out taking the lead 

Followed by a tractor and a half lame mule 

Dust flyin' as they picked up speed 

Faces beaming goodness and their jaw's set hard 

Good people just doin' what's right 

And off in the distance was Abell's house 

And there wasn't a soul in sight 

Aw, I could'a told you 

(Oh, I just knew it) 

Now the gravel was flying as he turned the bend 

And screeched to a grinding halt 

They went through the fence, into the flower bed 

And hit pa's first-prize hog in the head 

And left half a dozen mama's chickens for dead 

But it wasn't nobody's fault 

Oh, look at Harvey's prize hog 

And all of them darlin' old grown bad trusty chickens 

(We got more important things to tend to, boy) 

I wonder if they're covered? 

Committee bounded on the front porch 

To meet the enemy face to face 

But Abell yelled at 'em through the screen door 

"Y'all messed up my daddy's place" 

But in her hand she waved a policy 

Sayin' with a Mona Lisa grin 

"Well, y'all timed that one just about right 

'Cause Ace done struck again"