Well, I took me a woman late last night
I's three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
'Til started peelin' off her onion-gook
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
I was high-flyin'
Bare-naked
Out the window
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side
She's-a tryin' to hide
Pretendin' she don't know me
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I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can of black paint it fell on my head
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in back of the tub
Cost a quarter
Half-price
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot
Anita Ekberg
Sophia Loren."
Country'll grow
Well, I got a woman four feet short
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
Photos
She's a man-eater
Meat-grinder
Bad loser
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
I got a woman who works herself blind
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
Writes me letters and sends me checks
She's a humdinger
Folk singer
Late one day in the middle of the week
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
I chased me a woman up the hill
Right in the middle of an air raid drill
I jumped the fallout shelter
I jumped the string-bean
I jumped the TV dinner
I jumped the shotgun
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
He's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' pizza
He's eatin' chitlins
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
I flipped the channel on to number four
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil in his hand
Greasy kid stuff
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
Martin Luther King, Oula Tunjee?
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
She takes about fifteen baths a day
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face, she's insane
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
It levels my head and eases my mind
I just walk along and stroll and sing
I'll see better days and I'll do better things
I'll catch dinosaurs
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
Catch hell from Richard Burton
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