Left Brain, Right Brain Lyrics - Bo Burnham

Hello patient 24602 

Hey what's up? 

How are you feeling? 

I'm alright 

Has the treatment been working? 

No, not really 

What are your remaining symptoms? 

I hate myself, I'm not good with other people, I don't know if I'm real or not 

Blah, blah, blah, you're such a fucking pussy 

Real mature, real fucking mature, conscience 

I'm just messing around Bo, your problem is simple, your emotion and logic are at war 

Your creativity and analysis are at war and most simply, your left and right brain are at war 

To fix the problem we must separate them from each other 

Splitting your neurological functions in 

5... 4... 3.. 2.. 1 

This may hurt a bit, 0 

Isolation complete 

This is Bo's left brain, objective, logical, cold, analytical 

Aware of patterns aware of trends he's efficient, and a prick 

This is Bo's right brain subjective, creative, sensory 

Aware of feelings, aware of people, he's emotional, and an idiot 

Okay boys play nice 

I am the left brain, I am the left brain 

I work really hard until my inevitable death brain 

You got a job you better do it right in the right way with the left brains might 

I like oreos and pussy, haha in that order 

And I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3 

Cause I am the right brain, I have feelings, I'm a little all over the place but I'm lustful and trustful and I'm looking for somebody to love.. Or put my penis in 

Here comes a female, here comes a female 

Puff your chest up take your phone out and check your email 

Or evolutionary purpose is to repopulate 

So gather data now and see if she's a possible mate 

Holy fuck I think she might be the one, there's something about her, I just can't describe it 

tits 

I am the earth, she is the glorious sun 

I want her to trust me and I want her to sit on my fucking face! 

Alright now right brain you're being insane 

No left brain, I'm just being alive 

You should try it, you might like it 

I worked hard to give him everything he cared about 

You were worried about the things he was scared about 

I'm calm and collective when you act wild 

I am the adult you are child 

You think you're the right one every time 

You think you know everything but you don't know anything at all 

Half of his problems were supposed to be mine 

But you wanted everything I hope that you're happy because he's sure not 

Well according to my calculations, I'm sorry just let me run this again, you're a giant pussy 

Really name calling? Were doing name calling? 

I'm not name calling names alright, I'm just stating facts, the fact is you're a quivering pussy 

I'm the pussy? Really? Well at least I don't play with toys still 

Rubix cubes are not toys alright, they keep my spacial rethink skills.. sharp 

Left brain plays with toys! Haha Johnny fucking . . .toy player 

Well at least I did my fucking job, I kept him working, I kept him productive 

You were supposed to look after him 

You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable for all this 

Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling! 

If he's feeling unhappy it's because you failed him 

You did this to him, he hates you I know he does, he fucking hates you! 

Right brain I'm sorry, okay? 

No you're not 

Look, maybe there's something we can do together 

Together? 

Take the best parts of both of us and put them together 

It would let you let your feelings out, It would let me analyze 

It's something that George Carlin did, It's something Steve Martin did 

It's something special we can both perform, do you know what it is? 

Juggling, we could juggle and juggle our cares away! 

It was . . . it was comedy. We could do comedy. 

It was... It was comedy, you, fuck it, we could do comedy together. 

(Initiate reassembly) 

All right, right brain, we're gonna do comedy together, we gotta do comedy together 

All right, left brain, I'll do comedy with you 

Look, we can fix him like this—we can make him happy again. I promise, all right? 

(5, 4, 3) 

Left brain... left brain, I love you 

(2) 

I know 

(1. Experimentation complete) 

Thank you very much.