If I Owned A Midget Lyrics - Singles - Benefit

(verse 1) 

Life's got me mad 

But if I had a midget I'd be glad 

To watch him jump around on my nintendo powerpad 

He'd have a big head short legs and long torso 

The name that I give my pet midget is little Gordo 

I'd teach him tricks like backflips and side kicks 

When company came over he'd perform and get tips 

While I'm eatin at night, in the kitchen he'd be able 

To get the food scraps that I threw under the table 

If my midget was ever bad and acted enraged 

Then I'd take him to the bathroom and put him in his cage 

But If he kept acting up and really made me sick 

I'd hang him upside down and poke him with a stick 

Little Gordo would be good most of the time though 

He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling Kaiyo 

I'd take him for walks in the park on the weekends 

And if he saw other midgets he'd say Can we be friends 

He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead 

And he'd be in the guiness book for the world's biggest head 

What a funny little fellow, but don't call him a shrimp 

Or he'll attack your leg cause Gordos a tough gimp 

He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bounce on for hours 

And dirty little fathead Gordo would'nt take showers 

When Halloween came, he wouldn't be a chump 

Gettin all the candy goin round as a tree stump 

(scratching/chorus) 

Midget is a midget 

Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget 

Midget is a midget 

Hey you guys- Word 

Midget is a midget 

Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget 

Midget (wo-wo-wo-wo-word) is a midget 

Like a midget in a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes 

(verse 2) 

Sometimes my friends would chase Gordo with a gun 

It be fun 

Because midgets wobble when they run 

They're so close to the ground and so easy to kick 

They're so slow in the head and so easy to trick 

Gordo could do somersaults his special thing 

At the fair I would make him enter mudwrestling 

Sometimes he'd wear stilts and pretend to be tall 

Then I'd kick him over- and then i'd laugh at him fall 

Silly little Gordo, just be yourself 

I'd put wood on his head, and he'd just be a shelf 

He'd do funny little dances but that's irrelevant 

At the beach Gordo got attacked by pelicans 

He had a girlfriend once, but she was an ogre 

It didn't last long cause he couldn't fuck her sober 

Gordo had a problem, Gordo wet the bed 

so i'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his head 

He'd have to clean up his own cage himself 

And if he lost a little weight he'd be a keebler elf 

He'd really be something, my mangled little munchkin 

Plus his head would be larger then any big pumpkin 

This perfect little fool would make a perfect footstool 

Sometimes I'd kick him in his head and say "bitch be cool" 

I'd have a great life, I'd be happy I know 

If I only owned a little pet midget named Gordo 

(scratching/chorus)