Uncle Walter Lyrics - Ben Folds Five - Ben Folds

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on 

'bout everything he's seen and done 

The voice of fifty years experience 

He's drunk watching the television 

You know he's been around the world 

Last night he flew to Baghdad 

In his magical armchair 

With cigarettes and six pack 

Yeah, he just got back 

The spit's flying everywhere 

Hey hey hey hey 

[Chorus:] 

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on 

(oh you're back so late) 

Where did you go that you were gone so long? 

And how could you leave me here 

So long with Uncle Walter? 

Your Uncle Walter saw 

Who fired the shots 

He drove his chair in the cavalcade 

He's flown from South Africa to 

Countries where they beat themselves 

On the backs with chains 

There was a fleet of battleships 

And one reclining chair 

Headed north on the Arabian sea 

Now he's back to tell us how 

He and his oldest boy Blair 

They're getting rich on 

A mail order scheme oh oh 

[Chorus] 

Your Uncle Walter told me 

Everything he'd do if he were president 

Now what a perfect world 

This world would be 

If he were president now 

But he's not! 

And he sees the children smoking pot 

He knows that in a moment they'll be 

Shooting up heroin 

Teardrops in his armchair 

A fifty minute lecture 

Tobacco juice rolling down his chin 

[Chorus]