Bizarre Christmas Incident Lyrics - Ben Folds

(Ho ho ho!) 

Hey grandpa, let's tell them the little story about this Christmas 

(Yeah tell 'em, tell 'em about Christmas!) 

Christmas Eve, 

I didn't get much sleep 

I kept hearing things 

Heavy breathing from the chimney, who could it be? 

(I know who it was) 

(What happened then, Ben?) 

(Yeah, what happened?) 

I went back to sleep 

(Back to sleep? Shit!) 

I'm tired if I don't have sleep 

And in the morn' 

I couldn't believe my eyes 

A whale of a corpse 

With a long white beard was hangin' over the fire 

Oh, Santa's he's a big fat fuck 

Went down the chimney got his fat ass suck 

Oh honey call the lawyers fast 

'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass 

Hey hey hey (hey!) yeah 

(Ohh, oh oh) 

Ok grandpa, step up 

Sing in this thing right here 

Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw grandpa 

I gotta tell you folks 

He wasn't wearin' no clothes (no clothes!) 

He must have rubbed the whole gallon of Crisco off 

From his back and down to his toes 

Well, I was talking to the cops outside 

The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs 

They hauled him away in a double wide 

What a sad, sad way to die, hey hey hey! 

Santa's he's a big fat fuck 

Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck 

Oh honey call the lawyers fast 

Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass