Just A Few Things That I Ain't Lyrics - Beautiful South

When you called me a useless druggie 

At least you got half of it right 

When you called me a hopeless alcoholic 

I'm only hopeless after nine at night 

And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk 

If I didn't you'd get terrible fright 

And if this is the land of hope and glory 

Where's the land of hope but not quite 

I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag 

But never been bono or sting 

However I dressed never really impressed 

So they never got to hear a damn thing 

I've been bad man sad man certified mad 

But never 007 or saint 

Trendsetter go getter international jet setter 

Are just a few things that I ain't 

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The time you told class I was a half wit 

Was my very first 50% 

Previous best in any other test 

Was either stolen copied or lent 

And when you branded me and every single one of my mates 

A waste of time and effort to teach 

Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums 

On someone else's deckchair and beach 

I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse 

But never been a legend to god 

New thing dumb thing even last year's thing 

Headbang? - not even a nod! 

I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged 

We've never caused a lady to faint 

Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy 

A few things they said that I ain't 

Photos 

When popularity soared, hometown and abroad 

I spent most of it trying to breathe in 

Always ill at ease, too willing to please 

An inferior life's bargain bin 

When you come from a background of bargain bins 

You're bound to fear it ends where it begins 

So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud 

And too phoney to celebrate wins 

I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag 

But never been Bono or Sting 

However I dressed never really impressed 

So they never got to hear a damn thing 

I've been badman, sadman, certified mad 

But never 007 or Saint 

Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter 

Are just a few things that I ain't