Folk Monologue Lyrics - Barbra Streisand

Can I get my glass of tea? mmm, nothing like it! 

At this time I would like very much to do a folksong. since folksongs, 

I think are still popular today. uhm, this one is in latvian and it's 

From latvia. and it's about this tahitian girl who uhm, had this lover. 

And then one day this lover decides that he doesn't like her anymore 

And likes her sister better. so she decided that the only thing to do 

Naturally was to kill herself, see. so one day, oh, was very nice out 

About 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river to 

Drown when she, she tripped over this rock see. and uhm, oh it was 

Awful I mean, she broke her glasses, she scrapped her knees. and uhm, 

Just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in a 

Taxicab. so, see they saw her on the floor and she, having an 

Astigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild bore. so, 

She figured oh boy I'd better get down to the river fast to drown so 

She runs down there and what do you know the river was frozen. so i 

Mean she just stood there you know and she went tchhh, like that. tch, 

And uhm, because, I mean, she couldn't do it that day. see, it was a 

Small town they only had one river, so. anyway than she figured, oh 

It's getting late, better get home cause her mamma would be worried 

And would kill her if she was late for supper you know. so, I mean, 

She gets up and she starts walking around home and she bumps in to 

This guy, and what do you know, he turns out to be an optometrist. 

And just happens to happen to have her "suscription". so, anyway, uh? 

Oh, I'm sorry "subscription".so anyway, I mean, she's I don't want 

You to think that this is one of those hollywood-like stories: she 

Gets the glasses and sees happily ever after. I mean, this is, you 

Know, no like that. I mean she had to pay for the glasses just like 

You and me, she ... well, oh well, I mean, I don't want you to think 

That I'm lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollar 

Sixty-five? so anyway, uhm... this guy (oh) turned out to be very 

Nice and he even told her where she could find another river. 

So, I'll tell you the truth, this girl was a real creep. I mean, 

You know who would wanna sing a song about her? I mean, her sister 

Was really much nicer. and uhm, I mean, i, I think she came from 

A better family. 

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[singing] 

Call me a boob 

Call me a schlemiel 

Call me a brain with a missing wheel 

Call me what you will 

But nonetheless I'm still 

In love with harold mingert 

It's not because he has a car 

Arnie fleisher has a car 

And a car is just a car 

But if harold didn't have a car too his name 

I guess I'd love him just the same 

Call me what you will 

But nonetheless I'm still 

In love with harold mingert 

And it's not because he has a wealthy family 

Arnie fleischer has a wealthy family 

But money isn't everything 

And if harold didn't have a car too his name 

I know I'd love him just the same 

But sometimes I ask myself why than 

Do I than love harold mingert 

Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart 

And I don't find romance and a dance in his heart 

The only answers I can think about 

Harold mingert's money and harold mingert's car 

Call me what you will 

But non the less I'm still 

In love with harold mingert 

Also arnie fleisher!