Hot Water Burn Baby Lyrics - Adam Sandler

Father: Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister. 

Ryan : baby sister 

Father: That's right, baby sister. 

Ryan : baby sister 

Father: So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister. 

Ryan : saftey rules 

Father: Okay, rule number one: Always wash your hands before touching the baby. 

Ryan : wash hands 

Father: Do you know why? 

Ryan : no 

Father: Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick. 

Ryan : germs make baby sick 

Father: That's right, that's right, Ryan. Germs make baby sick. 

Ryan : germs make the baby sick 

Father: Okay, rule number two. 

Ryan : more rules 

Father: Don't feed the baby anything. 

Ryan : don't feed the baby. 

Father: That's right. 

Ryan : why? 

Father: Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food. 

Ryan : why? 

Father: Oh...well, other food is bad for the baby. 

Ryan : other food bad for the baby 

Father: That's right, good. Now, rule number three. 

Ryan : more rules 

Father: Never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby. 

Ryan : water bad for the baby 

Father: Well, not all water, just hot water, 

Ryan : yes 

Father: Cause hot water will burn the baby. 

Ryan : i don't understand, daddy 

Father: Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking? 

Ryan : yes 

Father: Well, this water is okay for the baby. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: Here, touch the glass. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: See, it's nice and cool. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: Now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn baby? 

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn baby 

Father: Yes, yes, hot water burn baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn your baby 

Father: Yes. 

Ryan : baby can't go in swimming pool? 

Father: Oh no, the swimming pool is okay. Swimming pool water is cool. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: That's alright. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: But the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn the baby 

Father: Yes. 

Ryan : hot water burn the baby 

Father: Yes. Now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby? 

Ryan : yea, baby like tea 

Father: No Ryan, uh, I don't think you get it yet. 

Ryan : baby no like tea? 

Father: Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with? 

Ryan : ...hot water 

Father: Right, and what did we say about hot water? 

Ryan : ...oh, hot water burn baby 

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby! 

Ryan : hot water burn baby! 

Father: That's right so no tea near the baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn baby 

Father: Yes. 

Ryan : baby no take bath? 

Father: No, bath water is warm. Warm is okay. 

Ryan : yes 

Father: Hot is bad. 

Ryan : yes...hot water burn baby 

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby. 

Ryan : hot water burn baby 

Father: I think you're gettin' it! 

Ryan : hot water burn baby 

Father: That's right, Ryan. 

Ryan : hot water burn baby 

Father: NOW DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! 

Narrator: 30 year later! 

Wife : Hey, Ryan, what are you doing out there? 

Ryan : Just watchin' the discovery channel. 

Wife : Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about five minutes. 

Ryan : Aw, great baby, aight, I'll be in in a few momentos. Lemme just wind down...(garbled) 

Wife : Okay, honey! 

Ryan : Yeah. 

TV : The villagers of Pasquan 

Ryan : Pasquan 

TV : have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community. 

Ryan : (garbled) 

TV : Unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent. 

Ryan : My God. 

TV : That explains the Pasquan's low population. 

Ryan : Yeah, it does. 

TV : On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,... 

Ryan : Deerskin. 

TV : ...which have been passed along from generation to generation. 

Ryan : That's nice. 

TV : The entire Pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of Chin-Chara. 

Ryan : ya-yara 

TV : Each Pasquanian baby is then passed, hand to hand, around the circle... 

Ryan : Wow. 

TV : ...four times. 

Ryan : Four times. 

TV : Once for the sun,... 

Ryan : Hmm. 

TV : ...once for the moon,... 

Ryan : The moon. 

TV : ...once for the earth,... 

Ryan : The earth. 

TV : ...and once for the wind. 

Ryan : The wind, too. 

TV : When the babies arrive back in their mother's hands, they are marched, in procession, to the Pasquanian natural hot springs... 

Ryan : What? 

TV : ...where the ceremonial purification will be completed. 

Ryan : What are you saying here? 

TV : As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells... 

Ryan : No. 

TV : ...and dunk them into the steaming water. 

Ryan : No! No! Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby! 

Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby. 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there? Are you okay? 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Father: Hot water burn most definitely burn baby. 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby! 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Father: You are a bitch, Ryan! 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Wife : Ryan, are you alright? 

Father: Hot water burn the baby! 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Wife : Ryan! 

Father: What are you gonna do, whore? 

Wife : Ryan! 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Father: Bitch! 

Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there? 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Father: Whore! 

Wife : Who are you talking to? 

Father: Bitch! 

Ryan : I'm talking to the man! 

Father: Whore! 

Ryan : Hot water burn baby! 

Wife : Ryan! 

Father: Bitch! Ryan is a whore!