Who's On First? Lyrics - Singles - Abbott And Costello

Abbott: How do you how do you like my ball club Lou? 

Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today? 

Abbott: Certainly. 

Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game! 

Abbott: Well it should be. 

Costello: Hey, Abbott 

Abbott: What? 

Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team. 

Abbott: Why not? 

Costello: So you the manager? 

Abbott: I'm the manager! 

Costello: Well, you know, Id like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people. 

Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. They give em funny names though, Lou. 

Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names. 

Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh Whos on first, Whats on second, I Don't Know is on third 

Costello: Are you the manager? 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: You know the guys names? 

Abbott: I sure do. 

Costello: Then tell me the guys names. 

Abbott: I say, Whos on first, Whats on second, I Dont Knows on third and then you 

Costello: You the manager? 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: You know the guys names? 

Abbott: Im telling you their names! 

Costello: Well whos on first? 

Abbott: Yeah. 

Costello: Go ahead and tell me. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy on first. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy playin first base. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy on first. 

Abbott: Who is on first! 

Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you! 

Abbott: Im not asking you, Im telling you. 

Costello: You aint tellin me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first? 

Abbott: Thats it! 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. 

Abbott: Who! 

Costello: The guy on first base. 

Abbott: Thats his name. 

Costello: Thats whose name? 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. 

Abbott: Thats the mans name! 

Costello: Thats whose name? 

Abbott: Yeah! 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me! 

Abbott: Who is on first. 

Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you, whos on first? 

Abbott: Thats it. 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy on first. 

Abbott: Thats it. 

Costello: Whats the guys name on first? 

Abbott: No, Whats on second. 

Costello: Im not askin you whos on second! 

Abbott: Whos on first. 

Costello: Thats what Im askin you! Whos on first? 

Abbott: Now wait a minute. Dontdont change the players. 

Costello: Im not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on first base? 

Abbott: Whats the guys name on second base. 

Costello: Im not askin you whos on second! 

Abbott: Whos on first. 

Costello: I dont know. 

Abbott: Hes on third. Now were not talking about him. 

Costello: Look, you got a first baseman? 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: Then tell me the fellas name playin first. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy playin first. 

Abbott: Thats his name. 

Costello: WaitWhats the guys name on first base? 

Abbott: What is the guys name on second base! 

Costello: Whos playin second? 

Abbott: Whos playin first. 

Costello: I dont know. 

Abbott: Hes on third base. 

Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? 

Abbott: Every dollar of it. 

Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, dont you? 

Abbott: Yeah. 

Costello: Does he give you a receipt? 

Abbott: Sure. 

Costello: How does he sign the receipt? 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy that you give the money to. 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy you give the money to. 

Abbott: Thats how he signs it. 

Costello: Thats how who signs it? 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: Thats it. 

Costello: Thats who? 

Abbott: Yeah. 

Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesnt he have to sign the receipt? 

Abbott: He does! 

Costello: Well how does he sign his name? 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: The guy you give the money to. 

Abbott: Thats how he signs it! 

Costello: You! YouYou just dont give money to someone without having em sign the receipt! 

Abbott: No! Who signs it. 

Costello: What are you askin me for? 

Abbott: Now calm down. Im not asking you, I am telling you. The 

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Whats the guys name that signs the receipt on first base? 

Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt. 

Costello: Who signs his own receipt? 

Abbott: No, Who signs his. 

Costello: Im askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper 

Abbott: Yes, now wait 

Costello: he puts his name on it. 

Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it 

Costello: How 

Abbott: and what puts his name on it 

Costello: How does the fellas name on first base look to you when he signs his name? 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: To you. 

Abbott: Thats how it does. 

Costello: How does it look to you? 

Abbott: Who! 

Costello: To you. 

Abbott: Who! 

Costello: To you. 

Abbott: Who! Look 

Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? 

Abbott: Now thats how it looks. Who. 

Costello: How? Who? 

Abbott: Who. 

Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on first base you give the money to? 

Abbott: Who! After all, the mans entitled to it 

Costello: Who is? 

Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. 

Costello: Whose wife? 

Abbott: Yeah, sure. 

Costello: All Im tryin to find out is whats the guys name on first base 

Abbott: What is on second base. 

Costello: Im not askin you whos on second. 

Abbott: Whos on first. 

Costello: I dont know. 

Abbott: Hes third... 

Costello: Third base, I know. 

Abbott: Yeah. 

Costello: You got a outfield? 

Abbott: Sure. 

Costello: The left fielders name? 

Abbott: Why. 

Costello: I just thought Id ask you. 

Abbott: Well I just thought Id tell you. 

Costello: The left fielders name? 

Abbott: Why!? 

Costello: HmmBecause! 

Abbott: Oh, hes centerfield. 

Costello: Oh 

Abbott: Told you all these players got 

Costello: All Im tryin to figure out is whats the guys name in leftfield. 

Abbott: Now, Whats on second. 

Costello: Im not askin you whos on second. 

Abbott: Whos on first. 

Costello: I dont know 

Both: Third base. 

Costello: You got a pitcher on this team? 

Abbott: Wouldnt be a fine team without a pitcher. 

Costello: Whats his name? 

Abbott: Tomorrow. 

Costello: You dont want to tell me today? 

Abbott: Im telling you. 

Costello: Then go ahead. 

Abbott: Tomorrow!? 

Costello: What time? 

Abbott: What time what? 

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me whos pitching? 

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not 

Costello: Ill break your arm, you say whos on first! I want to know whats the pitchers name? 

Abbott: Whats on second. 

Costello: I dont know. 

Both: Third base! 

Costello: You got a catcher? 

Abbott: Sure. 

Costello: The catchers name? 

Abbott: Today. 

Costello: Today. You dont wanna tell me, tomorrow do you? 

Abbott: Im telling you. 

Costello: So the catchers name? 

Abbott: Today. 

Costello: Today. And Tomorrows pitching. 

Abbott: Now youve got it! 

Costello: Now Ive got it 

Abbott: Hey! 

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team! 

Abbott: Well I cant help that. 

Costello: All right. You know now, Im a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? 

Abbott: Now thats the first thing youve said right. 

Costello: I dont even know what Im talkin about! 

Abbott: Well thatsThats all you have 

Costello: Thats all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now whos got it? 

Abbott: Naturally. Now youve got it. 

Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now whos got it? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: Who? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: Naturally? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. 

Abbott: No, no, no, no 

Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball andNat 

Abbott: You throw the ball to first base. 

Costello: Then who gets it? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. 

Abbott: No! 

Costello: Naturally gets the ball andand 

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who. 

Costello: Naturally. 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: Thats what Im saying! 

Abbott: Youre not saying it 

Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally. 

Abbott: No you dont! 

Costello: I throw it to who? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: Thats what Im saying! 

Abbott: No it isnt. 

Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get it. 

Abbott: So Who gets it. 

Costello: Naturally. 

Abbott: Thats it. 

Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: Same as you! 

Abbott: Now listen 

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. 

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? 

Abbott: Naturally. 

Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base. 

Abbott: All right. 

Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. 

Abbott: Could be. 

Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. 

Abbott: Yes. 

Costello: Why? I don't know! Hes on third and I don't give a darn! 

Abbott: What'd you say? 

Costello: I said, I don't give a darn! 

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!