Twenty Pints

Sup up, lad, I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat. Than you've supped tonight.. Bonnington's or Willy's lads?. Willy's tastes like piss.. I've got ten pints down me neck the night,.

The Lads From Macc

Ten pints of Boddies and a barley wine,. We've got to make the Bear's Head before closing time.. We're the Macc Lads, we were born in a pub,. We like us ale and we like us grub,.

Now He's A Poof

Get stuffed you arse bandit.. One of me best mates,. He come from Macc,. And we used to go out pulling crack,. Now we know it were just a farce,. 'Cos he's got spunk dribbling out of his arse..

No Sheep 'til Buxton

Sheep shaggers..... Went up in the hills,. We was on a binge,. Look for some pubs and up some minge.. Couldn't find us no beer,. We just found sheep,.

Nagasaki Sauce

Well the weekend is coming and it's time for a bath,. We're going to sup some Boddies and we'll have a good laugh,. So leave the dog at home or it'll want some drinks..

Miss Macclesfield

She was the perfect woman,. She was my kind of a bird,. 'Cos she stayed in the kitchen and she never said a word.. She had real big tits and a lovely slappable arse,.

Fluffy Pup

Well, I spent last night trying to chuck me bird,. She were clinging to me leg like an old sick turd,. I said your tits are too small and your legs are too short,.

Failure With Girls

I've got an ugly face,. With spots all over the place,. I haven't got any mates,. And me clothes have gone out of date.. I go to the pub on me own,. And I drink me orange alone,.

Dead Cat

A ya ya ya ya ya yaaar.... No petrol in the van,. Knee deep in empty cans,. We've lost the map, the tyre's flat, the bloody kid's been banned,. We stopped off for some grease, Nevis is obese,.

Dan's Underpant

We all went down New Delih,. We had too much curry and aching bellies.. Peter got gut rot and puked on the floor,. Stez Styx banging on shithouse door..

Charlotte

I walked into the Nag's Head for to sustinate me belly,. There was a fit crack in the corner but I knew her cunt was smelly,. She smelt of rotting fish heads and old and crispy sick,.

Boddies

Well you ain't been goin' down the pub,. You ain't been playing darts,. You ain't been doin' what you should,. You've been hangin' out with yer tart..

Blackpool

Ben Nevis

He squidges in the van,. All twenty four stones,. He gets three kebabs and he eats them on his own,. Quick trouser cough Nevis touches cloth,. Fuck fuck hide behind a truck, all the windows are steaming up..